Two years in the past, Sam Poulin determined to take a break from hockey and return dwelling to handle himself and his psychological well being, searching for the assistance he wanted.
It was extremely courageous of the younger ahead, who’s talked about his journey within the time since, wanting anybody else who’s struggling to know that they’re not alone.
Poulin then took it one step additional through the staff’s annual Hockey Talks Sport on Jan. 11 versus Ottawa, detailing all the things he is gone by throughout SportsNet Pittsburgh’s Unobstructed Views alternate broadcast, hosted by reporter Hannah Mears and analyst Max Talbot, a fellow Quebec native.
Talbot first obtained to know Poulin whereas working for the company CAA in the summertime of 2019, when Sam obtained drafted within the first spherical by Pittsburgh. They’ve stayed in contact ever since, with Talbot reaching out to see if Poulin would be a part of them to speak about psychological well being consciousness.
“I figured it was an ideal time for me to speak about it and to share my story and what occurred to me over the past couple of years,” Poulin stated.
After being drafted, Poulin performed yet one more season of main junior hockey earlier than turning professional for the 2021-22 marketing campaign, choosing up 16 objectives in 72 video games with Wilkes-Barre/Scranton. Poulin earned his first NHL call-up within the 2022-23 season, taking part in three video games from Oct. 25-Nov. 5 earlier than getting despatched again down. As soon as Poulin returned to the American Hockey League, he discovered himself in an unfamiliar headspace.
“I simply began feeling so depressed, and I did not need to go to the rink anymore,” stated Poulin, who couldn’t keep in mind a time when he didn’t love the sport. His father Patrick performed within the NHL, and his godfather – former Penguins goalie Jocelyn Thibault – known as Sam ‘such a hockey kid.’
“Simply going to apply day by day was simply getting more durable and more durable… I simply felt like I had a lot strain on my shoulders of performing and all that.”
It resulted in Poulin having a significant panic assault in the course of a recreation versus Hershey a month later, on Dec. 5. It felt virtually like a concussion, with Poulin feeling dizzy and in a fog. So, Poulin left the sport and spoke with the medical workers, going dwelling two days later.
Reflecting again, Poulin stated he had confronted a few life points over the earlier 3-4 years that he didn’t take care of within the second, as a result of he was too targeted on hockey and making the NHL. As soon as he obtained that near his dream, the nervousness – particularly efficiency nervousness – grew to become debilitating. Even watching a recreation or just speaking about hockey may very well be triggering.
“All these points, I might simply put them within the again and not likely take care of them. However sooner or later, they type of caught up, and that’s when the panic assault in Hershey occurred,” Poulin stated. “So, I type of needed to relearn how you can love the sport of hockey and relearn how you can be in that setting day by day and the way to have the ability to carry out, though I had these points.”
It helped that Poulin had the help of the whole group. Then-WBS head coach J.D. Forrest went to seek out Poulin proper after he exited the sport in Hershey, giving him an enormous hug and saying, ‘don’t fear, Sam – handle your self and don’t even fear about hockey proper now. We simply need you to be good.’ That meant rather a lot to Poulin, going by such a scary time at simply 21 years previous.
“Straight away, I type of felt that the method was actually human with the Pittsburgh Penguins,” Poulin stated. “I didn’t actually assume that they had been pressuring me to get again. They needed me to be wholesome first, after which after that, to be again as a hockey participant. Within the first place, I actually thought that they had been actually superior with that stuff.”
But it surely was nonetheless an immensely troublesome course of, particularly due to the stigma that may encompass taking good care of one’s psychological well being. “I simply had a lot disgrace. I did not really feel comfy taking that break, to be trustworthy,” Poulin admitted. On the time, he didn’t have lots of information surrounding psychological well being, save for the Bell Let’s Discuss motion in Canada. And like so many others, Poulin didn’t assume it could ever have an effect on him so intensely.
“At the back of my thoughts, I believed I used to be weak. I believed I used to be letting my teammates down, letting my staff down. All these ideas had been going by my thoughts,” Poulin stated.
However Poulin had executed the best factor, which truly took a lot braveness. As soon as he arrived dwelling, Poulin simply tried to disconnect from hockey as a lot as doable.
“It was virtually like a leg harm. For instance, you break your leg, you will not do something for most likely 2–3 weeks,” Poulin stated. “So principally, I simply watched all of the Marvel motion pictures and was consuming chocolate for 2 weeks. Then after that, that is when the rehab course of began.”
Talbot requested Poulin if he may title one factor that helped him essentially the most throughout that point, and reaching out to a psychologist was what got here to thoughts. Poulin obtained in contact with any individual again dwelling he had labored with up to now, and began having periods twice every week for about two months.
“Then after that, I simply stored seeing her. I nonetheless discuss to her proper now, so it has been greater than two years, and I am nonetheless in contact along with her,” Poulin stated. “I really feel like folks type of assume it’s a foul factor to speak to a psychologist in a approach, and (some) folks don’t actually consider in that stuff. However truthfully, that most likely modified my life, and I extremely advocate that for different folks.
“I really feel prefer it’s most likely step one that’s the toughest, simply to ask for assist and simply say that you just’re not feeling nice. However truthfully, when you try this step and also you get the provide help to want, it’s loopy how life may be so a lot better afterwards.”
Poulin rejoined the staff in April, after months of arduous work on himself. His teammates had been joyful to have him again, and couldn’t be extra supportive. However that work continued even after he returned, as Poulin stated he nonetheless felt depressed most days, frightened that he would begin feeling the best way he did the earlier 12 months, which stored him from really having fun with the game like he used to.
However now, Poulin is in a frame of mind that has him feeling excited and like these explicit darkish occasions are behind him. This has been the primary time in two years that Poulin isn’t overthinking something or too far in his personal head.
“I can simply give attention to taking part in hockey and having fun with my time right here and having fun with life once more. So, I am simply actually joyful to be again to full well being,” Poulin stated. “I’m simply glad I made that call two years in the past to go dwelling.
“On the time, I believed it was the worst factor that would occur to me. I used to be questioning why it was occurring to me. However now, I can see that all the things occurs for a cause, and I’m simply so glad that I took these steps to be more healthy.”
Extra data on the Hockey Talks initiative can be found here.